Hi! this is a dream world! things don't make sense and they don't have to! you can be free in your dreams! note: names are replaced with personXXX for privacy reasons.
Minyuan's Dreams

Welcome to my dreams

This collection of dreams is from 2017 to 2021.

Current Count: 53

last updated: Dec 23, 2021


[12/22/2021] Having a Penis
[12/14/2021] Eternal Paradise
[12/07/2021] Missles and Needles
[12/05/2021] Mom at a Restaurant
[12/05/2021] Melody in Dream
[11/05/2021] Growing Plastic on My Arms
[11/01/2021] Unstable Therapy House
[10/25/2021] PATH
[10/17/2021] Green Chillies
[10/15/2021] Björk
[10/11/2021] You Can't Censor My Voice
[10/09/2021] Sheep Butt
[10/05/2021] My Mom's Student's Dissertation
[10/04/2021] (during the day) Food and Shame
[09/21/2021] PATH Aftercare
[09/10/2021] UMass
[08/12/2021] Nazis
[06/11/2021] L with Another Chinese Girl
[06/03/2021] Not Trusting People
[05/28/2021] Not Letting me Speak
[05/04/2021] Dad Pissing
[04/24/2021] Psych Ward Dream
[04/04/2021] Everyone was fake
[04/03/2021] Being Black
[03/14/2021] R
[03/02/2021] Endlessly Growing Teeth
[02/10/2021] Butterfly + Cat
[02/01/2021] L's Friend
[01/28/2021] Three Dreams
[01/07/2021] Cocaine Powder
[01/02/2021] Find Someone To Have Kids With
[12/28/2020] Sex
[12/20/2020] D & K (again)
[12/09/2020] Fried Chicken and My Dad
[11/20/2020] E's Daughter
[11/14/2020] "I'm in a dream"
[11/04/2020] Novel Material Dream (2)
[11/01/2020] a Really Complicated Dream
[10/27/2020] dog/wolf language
[09/30/2020] Train and Knife
[09/15/2020 Dreams]
[07/20/2020] Novel Material Dream (1)
[06/07/2020] Mom Killing Me As A Drill
[05/05/2020] Random Stuff
[01/21/2020] Dream about P
[12/09/2019] Too Close to the Sun
[11/27/2019] A Villain Throwing Knives at Me
[11/13/2018] Asano
[07/10/2018] D & K
[05/31/2018] Can
[05/27/2018] Dead Ants
[05/24/2018] German Food Festival
[02/01/2018 a terrible nightmare and its freudian analysis].
[12/06/2017] Justice





At the end: Appleton Valley - where you step from the ephemeral into the eternal world.

Bunker - PERSON062 was the “mysterious man”, excited to see straight couples getting into the bunker

Point of view is from Piranha, over the blood-colored river. Eating humans after humans.

Turned from flying to using E5 - 套索工具



Everyone at PATH went to PERSON051’s family’s three-storey house (chinese countryside style) and stayed there. To get on the third floor, the upper part of the stairs were tilted, so I have to rush onto it in order to not fall off. There were many rooms on the third floor.

I brought π but did not bring her litter box. Luckily there is another cat, but the litter box is on the first floor in the bathroom.


We were in New York, there were missiles from the sky. It hit buildings with people standing on porches, and it also hit the ground near me many times. I thought, I need to find a bunker. So I went into a building and went to the basement, but people who were not their staff were not supposed to go in there. I went in there and heard men talking about a plan about bombs. (The men were wearing beige colored vests and had big square glasses, looked like office men in the US from the 80s or something.) There was a young guy who designed the bombs. Then suddenly they said, oh no, the bombs are gonna hot out building! So I went upstairs and then crawled out of the window.

As I was walking on the plaza, a missile went sideways and hit me on my face (it was kind of like a bullet, glowing with orangey golden light.) But I wasn’t hurt.

I ran away from the buildings, there was a field full of grass. Me and a friend walked up a hill and saw two teenage girls about to jump off from a high place. Then they jumped. We were like “oh no!” But when we walked closer we found out that there was a trampoline beneath, and they were fine.

We went to the playground nearby. My friend felt like she was PERSON061. We climbed up from the side of a slide thingy, and then there were two people standing at the exit of the slide. One was trying to climb up the slide, and I thought she wanted to get me, so I tried to trick her from going to the left and then the right and then the left and then the right side. Then I jumped off from the right side as she was going up the slide. And I flew away.

This friend that I was with said he was the real PERSON055 and said something like “the surface PERSON055 isn’t the real PERSON055, he just likes playing with guns/buttons”.

The friend chased me as I ran away. They put a diamond dot on my finger, then I felt a metal nail stuck under my last rib on the left side. I tried to pull it out but a new one always appears. So I pulled it out and aimed it at my friend (the other person, who is gender neutral or fluid). I aimed it at their heart. Then I aimed it at their ass.

We were at a different place and I learned that the nail in my body is because I don’t believe in Jesus. Then the friend was like actually my grandma. I have a nail through my thumb.




解开行装的时候姑姑说我包里有一个表弟的MIDI keyboard,然后我发现和我的一模一样,只不过破一点。我用它玩了一个tube一样的旋律,音色很破。


我在圆桌的右边坐下。a round table

有人递给我一杯strawberry refresher或者草莓芝士奶茶。我快走了,然后跟老爸说,你少喝点酒,不要喝醉。然后跟老妈说,你注意什么什么(忘了)。然后我发现坐在老妈和我中间的一个人看上去像sang-woo,而且自己一个人在喝超过二两的白酒。坐在我左边的人在喝牛奶,他人脸胖嘟嘟的,发红,满脸油光,他自己戒了酒,但是却常劝其他人喝酒。他说了几句话,嗓子大,我感到心烦。

后来我在梦中醒来(还没有回到现实),然后好奇今天是哪一天。我看了一下birth control pill,然后发现已经是星期二了。但是手机上显示是星期一9点。心里我想,好像应该是星期日。我看了日历,发现是26号。我想,天呐,我错过了在PATH的圣诞。


我回到我苏醒的床上,很崩溃。不是他们偷走了我的时间、就是是我又精神不正常了。透过窗户(我在二楼)看到楼下单元门口有一个瘦高的人,像enderman,我害怕,但我好像喊了一声fuck you,然后他就冲我而来,穿透了我的左脚脚心。我有一种末日即将降临的感觉。我挣扎着想从梦中醒来



Crap, I just had a wonderful melody in my dream and with its complimentary cartoon and dance moves and now I woke up and record it and it’s horrible
The cartoon is like what the lyrics were
“There’s a valley in the mountains
Where two rivers flow together
Upon which a city grows”

I recorded it multiple times in my dream, but not actually in real life, but as i got closer to waking up the melody got more and more lame

drawing of the place in my dream


There was a plastic thing growing on my left hand. Like the zipper thingy you use to seal bread or other merchandise, a long stripe of plastic with some metal inside?

I was in Taiwan with PERSON049 and a girl started flirting with me and she was cute and I saw her large bulge in her teal underwear. But then I said my dad is here in this house and she said her brother is here. Then a man (either my dad or her brother) came to the living room and I ran towards the closet trying to hide in it.

They told me the growing plastic thing will only get more and more. and it was prickling my skin. It was already annoying but they told me when it gets worse your life will be like hell for a few months straight. A girl (maybe PERSON049 or her mom) told me that Rxxxxxx (don’t remember the word), but looks like a kind of pomegranate/raspberry yoghurt drink, can help. I put my hand in it and it stopped growing. I asked why she didn’t tell me earlier, she said well if you fuck it up and an infection happens it can get way worse. Then I went to the bathroom and saw little green bugs everywhere, there was even one on my right ankle.

I was in UWC or something and they shut down all the inside buildings, like the theatre and the staff’s office. I went to a big intricate slide and slid off, ending up in the garage / warehouse area. I don’t have a cold anymore, but I thought it was not because of the sliding process but because colds usually fixes itself within a week.

PERSON057 asked me to go to Iran to visit his girlfriend PERSON058. And said that her family has a house in the US and it was much bigger than her house in Iran. He drove me in the car (PERSON058 was in the front seat) to her house. The house had three big garage stalls. I didn’t want to go, since it is his first time visiting PERSON058’s parents too, I didn’t want to be a third wheel. I was really sleepy and I had two huge trash bags. PERSON058’s brother came to the car with a few months old baby girl in his arms. He asked me to get out of the car and enter the house. Then PERSON058’s father came. Then her mother came and spoke to me in perfect Chinese (with a slight northern accent). Then I felt relieved and talked to her back.

Also in the car I asked PERSON058 if she knew PERSON059, a polyglot from Iran. And she said she did. And I thought, probably both of them are in Tehran


green mountain with a house

There was a huge ladder, about 20 units vertically, each unit has ten handles. It was on the side of a cliff. On the left was a huge open terrain, green mountains. I needed to go down the ladder to the bottom. There is a house on top of the ladder. People were saying how much they are willing to climb (the ladder) just to access school (or therapy). I went from the side to the ladder, i clenched on tightly, afraid to fall off. Then I climbed up and went into the house. The house swings like it’s on the ocean. It belongs to a female therapist.

When I walk to different parts of the house the house tilts differently. The shape of the house was clandestine. I walked to the end of the house where the therapist has her office. I asked her where the fridge is, and she pointed it to me, and i looked into it and it has many types of food familiar to me. I found a meat moon cake from a city near my home city. Then of course i checked the expiration date (since fresh things transported to the US don’t last long) and surprisingly but luckily it expires in April 2022. So I ate it.

I was in the central part of the house or something and then I had to narrate a story that was happening to me simultaneously. I was with PERSON056 and then a guy (might be PERSON055? But identity muted) came here. And I said something something babe. Then he starts to fuck me. Later in a different situation this guy was my middle school first love, and i decided to be with him again instead of being with PERSON055 (who turns out to be a different person) since the latter rejected me. I told this guy, something something, just like we did in middle school. I also asked him, “how does it feel to fuck me / be inside me?”

I was having therapy with PERSON048 and my parents, on video call. My parents were naked. I saw my dad’s chest and my mom’s boobs. Then they showed even more of their body down. I was afraid that I would see my dad’s dick. Luckily he was wearing a black underwear. But I saw sex toys on their bed. Many of them. PERSON048 was holding me tight and I wanted her to let go. I was furious and really uncomfortable that my parents were naked during therapy, and that PERSON048 was holding me so tightly


I was feeling suicidal, and my body didn’t have any strength. PERSON046 walked into the door, and I shouted, “PERSON046 !” And then he held my falling body.

There was another cat from the opposite door coming to our door. Pooh bear and π were next to me. There was also another cat. The cat from the opposite door started fighting with Pooh bear and π.

PERSON046 came in from the other door, which was the door of the second base of PATH, with two or three people. I was collapsed on the floor, face down. He was standing and pissed on my head. I wasn’t sure if it was piss or cum.

Then he picked me up and started fucking me in front of the mirror, and then the two other people started filming us. PERSON046 had a towel wrapped around his waist.

Then the scene kind of turned into an asphalt road. I had scars left from fucking PERSON046. It was on the left side of my belly (just the spot where Kang Sae-byeok was hurt). The scars looked like
scars but many of them, maybe like ten of them.

I was left alone on the road. All other (PATH, popular) people left me. I tried to tell PERSON048 that I think I would be kicked out of PATH in a week. She didn’t get my message written on a wish card. But she proceeded to a mentalizing activity - what do you think your outlook on life is in a week from now?

I was dying and really needed help but there was no help. PERSON048 was not there. Other PATH people were not my type. I wished PERSON046 or PERSON055 were there for me


I put green chili (shaped like green peppers) on my nipples, and it was spicy and it felt great. I was on a bus.

I was also in a school. The Chinese department (including PERSON054) punished me for supposedly having sex with a 5th grader and a 6th grader, even though I knew I had sex with a 12th grader and an 11th grader. But in fact in my dream i was having sex with PERSON055. I was worried that I was gonna kicked out.


Björk teaches a class in a school in iceland. I told her how much I love her, and that I wanted to collaborate with her in music. I asked her if she wants to listen to my songs. She said, I’m pretty selective to what I listen. I thought it made sense since she is a musician (PERSON004 is selective about what art she consumes too).

We were soldiers fighting in a field. I climbed up a mountain and on the topmost line the spine of the mountain felt like the spine of a horse, I was riding on it.


Finished writing at 2:59am

I was calling PERSON052 or hanging out with her in real life. She made a spicy paneer curry dish. She said she didn’t feel connected to me, so I said, what can I do to connect with you? She said, do you know much about history? I said, no. Then she said, what about music? Then I said, yeah I can show you the songs I wrote.

I opened up my laptop and looked for my songs. But the folder for my songs didn’t exist! I checked again and again. I checked another laptop. It still didn’t exist. I played the version of my song “Promise” that existed, and it’s totally different. It sounds less real, emotionally. Less raw, more polished in a lacking-of-personality way. I was worried that PERSON052 wouldn’t like it, and she didn’t, and I said, I’ll find my original song. But I couldn’t. Then I said, yeah, it’s the censorship. They deleted my original files because they thought it would hurt their benefits. “But my voice is mine, they can censor my lyrics but they can’t censor my voice.” But that didn’t seem enough.

There was also PERSON045 and their friend PERSON053. We were crossing the street and I lost my stuffed animal while crossing. I told them that my stuffed animal has been with me for 17 years and that I really need her. I walked back and tried to look for her. I found my car’s skeleton, and it was a small car, like 甲壳虫. It was so light and easily crackable.

Me and other people were walking on the street. There was a rule like “green light go, red light stop” in the show Squid Game. Everyone was supposed to stop. One dark skinned guy shouted at another guy (skin color unsure), “communist!” Then they got into a fight. There was another guy with another person (gender unsure) behind my point of view, and the group of people aforementioned said, “you’re a communist!” And then he shouted, “yes!”

We were on a subway train that was also a bus. Some people, seeming to be “tulu” or of some other ethnicity, but looking south indian, wanted to get out. But the subway door closed quickly so they can’t get out. Broadcast started. They were the fight between AT&T and Verizon. AT&T said, “Verizon censors your shit! While we are in a zone with only AT&T coverage, please check your phone, and find out what Verizon has censored!” Verizon said the same about AT&T. Then the small teenage guy standing in front of me was looking at his phone and tapping on it, and then the broadcast said, “someone is sending their location to us!” Then soon his phone exploded with lights, and the broadcast or his phone said, “your behavior has made my aunt crash her car, and her whole family died. It’s all because of you” some shit like that. The poor kid was startled.

I thought, “this is unfair!” Then I shouted, “Revolution!” People we’re looking at me like crazy. I said, “fine, I’ll jump off the bus”

Then I woke up.


Flood was coming up the hill, we went up to the upmost point of the hill, and then there was a room. I stayed in that room. PERSON050 was sitting on my right, in another room. He picked a spider to put on me. I was like, no, this is too much for me, isn’t this supposed to have a trigger warning? Then I checked the trigger warnings. Then PERSON050 released a sexual thing: a white butt sitting on my face. Then I realized it was probably a sheep. Then the sheep’s ass farted on me. I breathed in the air and it didn’t smell bad.


I was in an amusement part like place, there was a trampoline, many slides, swings, as well as other equipments. PERSON049 took me to run around while holding my hand.

I was also in a classroom, sitting in the front row. It was my middle school. We were reading an article / thesis written by PERSON050, my mom’s student, in 2011, on the surnames 陆 and another one I forgot. In the essay, it is said that if you recycle something and there’s 20% chance that it is an repeated one, then that means something like there’s too few of them. If it’s 100% then it’s A. In the essay I also saw my cousin PERSON014’s name, and my name. The essay was shown on a projected screen first, but then as a book, with each page wrapped around by plastics wrap. My deskmate decided to take them off. I was offended. At the same time PERSON024 posted something containing 3D photos/videos of my elementary school classmates, and everyone was excited. I saw PERSON035 and a narrative voiced asked me if he was the guy I had a crush on in 6th grade. I said yes. Also somehow people started saying that there is no food delivery. And it is implied that the dining hall food is bad. People were making comments like, “it’s bad to miss a meal on your first day of school.” But also back to the deskmate, I was offended so I decided to run away from the class with the book, then it turned into many pamphlets. I ran to near the teachers’ office, and was reading them on a bench. Then a male teacher came along and said, “it’s good to read them right? These story books are not academic and easy to read.”

Then I woke up.

Comments on the dream:
This dream is very Asian, everyone in it is Chinese.
Meanwhile an academic article is seen as a storybook, which remind me of my pressure of “not being academic / smart enough”

[10/04/2021] (during the day)

I was in a restaurant, there was a guy, who spooned up a spoon of food, walked towards his ex girlfriend’s current husband, and then fed it to his mouth. The husband was confused where the food was coming from, then he looked up and said, oh thank you waiter / valet. And the guy who fed him food felt humiliated. He went to the left side of the building and jumped off. It was the second floor, but he died (presumably).

Then my mom came along and asked me, “is it really possible for someone to be smiling all day and then just suddenly kill themselves?” I said, yes. She seemed worried. She seemed to want to help me, because I feel suicidal at times, but she didn’t really know how.

There was a whole fish on a table, as a leftover dish. I wanted to eat it since it was not all finished. Some witch-looking people cut out the large piece uneaten, and then gave a piece to me. While I was enjoying the fish, they stitched me up all over my body. I was trapped. I wanted to escape, but when I tried to scream, I couldn’t. My voiced was muffled.

Then I woke up.


In my dream the aftercare program of PATH is living in a huge school-like house, where there are over a thousand people. PERSON048 didn’t meet me and I could hear her session with other people, especially PERSON045. I was angry so I shouted at her, “I hate you!” Also I could float. I also was a princess named Anna, and I had a curler, I was curling my hair, which was shoulder length. I was also looking at other beauty products like eyelashes curler.






In the last few days I keep having nightmares that are so scary that I had to wake up from it. I just forced myself to wake up from a dream where nazis were killing me, I even high fived with Hitler coz I was afraid that he would kill me. There was also knife play from a guy who I was sexual with who was also sexual with my aunt (both relationships are only in the dream). I was a little girl and I just woke up and I asked my dad where mom is, and he said, mom is dead, now I have to earn money and you have to make bread. I said I'm going to make bread and bake it so that you can eat it when you wake up, and I asked him to turn around so that I can change into regular clothes from pajamas. Then I quickly changed into my pajamas and flew away from the window. As I was flying, I kept hearing the broadcast: a little girl has escaped from her father, please catch her. Or something like that. I was so scared so I had to force myself to wake up.

[06/11/2021] Dream and Thoughts

Key words to remind myself:
The Chinese Girl PERSON023 is Friends with
New Relationship

There are other parts to this dream but I will ignore it for now. This is a simplified version.

PERSON023 told me that he’s walking over there (somewhere I could see, like 5 meters away) to talk to a Chinese friend (female). The girl had thick hair and her hair was in a pony tail. Meanwhile I bagan to do an exam. But because I was jealous of the girl, I didn’t finish anything on the exam paper (it was the first part, only two sides of one A4 paper). I told PERSON023 I was jealous, and then the examiner took away my exam paper, saying that I’ll have to do it again later, since I’m not supposed to talk to anyone during the exam. At the same time PERSON007 commented (her voice was the narrator of the scene), “In a new relationship, a couple needs to make new terms with their existing friends.”


Anxiety dream

(I don’t remember if part 1 happened first or part 2.)


There was this thing, where if you add water to the powder it turns into a transparent drinkable food/beverage with the texture of gelatin or something. It’s not as brittle and solid as jello, not as liquidy as congee or a thick soup, and not as sticky as glue. (I can’t describe this food but I feel like I’ve definitely had this in my life. Maybe it’s a thicker version of 桂花酒酿小圆子.)

If you further add a pinch of some brown powder, however, the drinkable thing quickly turns into a more solid food, which is actually cheese or some other dairy product.

Someone offered me the more liquidy version, which I wanted because I was thirsty (in real life too since I was breathing with my mouth open), but some other people solidified the food. I was not happy.

I was at the supermarket checkout for this product, and some other girl (seems to be partially PERSON036, an elementary school classmate of mine) was also there. I said, it’s fine, I’ll cover you. So I paid. It was a few small food items, in totally costed me some 10 dollars. Somehow I felt like the card I gave to the cashier was not the card the cashier returned to me, I felt like there was something fishy going on.

The next time I was at the supermarket checkout place I asked the girl to buy me that gelatinous drink. She hesitated first, then used her own card, and it was 0.69 USD. So on the surface I rested assured - she is not phony, coz she’s willing to pay. But also I wonder if she would pay if it was not such a small sum.


There was a fire going on. It was in the layered forest. The vertical layers (each consisting of a straight line of trees) caught fire one by one. No one seemed to care. Oh it seems like it actually started with me watering the plants. As I water, the fire of the last plant got bigger, and a big thin veil which is a part of a curtain ten times taller than most trees was blown over the tree on fire by the wind. It quickly caught fire and spread fire to the forest.

I tried to run away.


Some woman who does massage wanted to charge 130 dollars for doing some minor thing on me and my dad’s feet. I felt like it was outrageous.

She told me that she knew I was going to a few massage therapists recently. Somehow I knew she was gonna persecute me. I forgot how she did that though.

I told her I needed a bathroom break (as an excuse to run away). She was in her office which was high above the ground. I walked / flew to PERSON009’s office, while she was seeing where I was going. PERSON009 was in the office with a few colleagues when I broke in. I thought they were all working on my case, to get away from that evil woman. (She was blonde.)

But then I realized that they were not all working on my case. I told PERSON009 what happened, and he just said, you should blend into the people, go to more crowded places. So I got out of the office. Somehow the evil woman switched position. I turned right right out of the office which was on a corner, and then she was on my left far away on a staircase as big as the that of the Lincoln memorial. I tried to make my body low, so as not to be spotted by her while I pass through the road.

I saw a few people on the streets, gathering in groups from 2-4 people. PERSON009 said, why don’t you go swimming in the lake (which was also a swimming pool), and pretend to be one of the professional swimmers practicing there.

So I went there and asked one of the women swimmers whether I can have her swimming suit. She gladly offered it to me, and bantered with her colleagues, “actually someone wants to swim!” She was jolly.

I tried to take off my clothes as quick as possible since i wanted to put on the swimwear and blend in as soon as possible so that evil woman wouldn’t find me. But I was wearing very tight clothes so it was difficult to take them off. Then I turned around and saw that evil woman with blonde hair putting on a swimsuit too. (Somehow all these people here are much taller than me!) I got super scared.

Then I woke up.


There was also a part that I omitted previously, which was the part of sitting in a classroom, and the rule is that you sit behind a person you hate / despise. The classroom was almost full so I had to carefully pick the seat. As I walked past two students, one of them said, “don’t sit behind this guy because he’s a bully / a gangster member.” And I was like, okay, then I sat behind the guy next to him. I also noticed that two and three rows behind these guys there were two rows sitting in the opposite direction.


В соне я хотела что-то объяснить, но мой друзья не дали мне шанс поговорить. Я была сердита и расстроена.


I had a dream that my dad was pissing into my mom's butthole.


the dreams from psych ward


I was in a dream where i figured out that everyone was a fake, even my mom. I was like, hell yeah, this is fun. Then I fucked a lot of people and they pretended to be people I know and I even offered to eat a girl out while she was operating on a operating table as a nurse


Narrative written to send to PERSON044

I dreamed that my mom was there she saw my dad talking to you and then she frowned and said, “why are you talking to this old black man”. And then I told me mom, “he’s not old, he’s only 25, and you’re being racist against black people and You always think foreigners look old.” next time I woke up it was november the 3rd. And you told me we did weed last night, then I looked at myself from my phone’s camera and I had double eyelids. but I said I don’t remember doing weed yesterday. You and I are a couple but you’ve been involved with another girl and another guy. And then the next time I woke up it was December 4th. And then next time I woke up it was December 11th. Then I checked my phone and I saw that people have been praying for me and a bunch of my university people’s safety since September 22. My mom texted in a group with prayer emoji heading “are you okay I miss talking to you”. Some random person I didn’t know well texted me 20 messages on WeChat. I was in the house which was supposed to be my ex girlfriend’s house, and I asked my ex girlfriend’s boyfriend, why am I here. And he said, oh, this is PERSON044’s house. I thought I should escape so I looked for my car nearby. A big mostly white some bit brown dog was being friendly to me.

I found you again and you were having sex with the black girl you were involved with. (The ethnicity of the guy you were involved with I didn’t remember, or maybe it didn’t matter) I smiled because I felt happy for you but at the same time I knew you’ve been drugging me. So I asked you if you’ve been drugging me. Then you said, “you know, i realized that you’ve been looking into your old messages on your phone, which means I didn’t drug you enough. You should know that I can kill people easily” then I got afraid and said, okay, please drug me more, I just wanna be alive. And then you and some other people sprayed some foggy thingy onto me and you were watching my reactions. But I didn’t fall asleep. You said, now you’re supposed to blink. Then I blinked. And then you said, you blinked after I said that, that means you’re faking it. And then I woke up because I genuinely felt like I had to get out of the situation.

I feel like maybe my dream involves some deep racist shit that I was taught throughout my life

And it can be analyzed symbolically

See, double eyelids is a thing that many Asian women aspire to have, because it is closer to European beauty standards

But I don’t have double eyelids. But I do have it when I’m high on weed in real life

And it can be read as a symbolism of trying to be a white person (From an Asian perspective)

I feel like that feeds into the narrative of major US newspapers and far right wing people

But maybe it’s in the unconscious of a lot of people in the US, black or non-black

That sees black people as a danger

And some people say weed is not legalized in the US just because they wanna arrest black people to become slave labor in the prisons

Because white people don’t get arrested for smoking weed


That I went on a bus with PERSON031, PERSON042 and PERSON043, and I can’t touch PERSON031 anymore, and PERSON031 gave PERSON042 a two feet stack of envelopes full of checks, each one containing 100000 dollars.


PERSON031 was in my room, I was in the living room, naked. She came out and I look at her and she caresses my face, and I wanna cry.

I was in my apartment in China, there was a guy who wanted to have sex with me. I didn’t want to, and I said something to my parents. Then my dad said, oh, he probably didn’t succeed (in “completing sex”, aka, coming inside me).

There was a great grandmother sitting on my bed, she had brown skin. I took a photo of her and then a photo of she and my mom together. My mom begins to look like my grandmother. The great grandmother’s hair was white at the roots and black at the end, half and half. She said that it took her 40000 yuan to dye it black.

I was racing with a lot of people on skateboard. Some of them had guns. I thought, they hold guns to threaten people only. To really kill a person you need to hide your gun first. (Reflection: Maybe gun-penis allusion?)

I was in a train-like space. There was a guy (probably my primary school classmate PERSON040) who was sitting face to face with me. He has food in front of him, including a corn-cream soup on his left hand side. I realized that my teeth were falling out. And if I don’t throw them out, it moves. The moving had a rule: The tooth moves to the other side and then one backward. And the further back it is, the harder to pull it out of my mouth, because the tissues become more connected.

There was another guy, who stood on the left of me, that is, on the right of PERSON040. I threw a tooth inside PERSON040’s soup and then he used it to possess this guy.

On the train, a curvy black woman saying that “...you indigenous people.” I said, no I’m from china. She said, from china, Chinese, indigenous, it’s all the same. (Reflection: colonialism?)

I put a lot of my teeth into the soup, and I keep growing new teeth. I used it to grow horns on people, or add other additions to their bodies. PERSON040 went away and came back and put something on a large area of my legs (I was wearing shorts), and I asked him what it is and he said, heroin. I felt doomed, and soon after I threw a tooth into his soup and made an enchantment - I reflected all effects of drugs on my body onto him. Immediately he became weaker, like a deflated balloon.

In an elevator inside a parking lot, a girl walked onto the elevator. She knows me but I don’t know her. She said that she also dropped out of UWC and we were in the same year. Then I saw some photos of me at UWC. There was also PERSON041 sitting across me.


Dream & therapy:

Butterfly + cat
Trans people + women/lesbian

Am I gonna discover that this person that I liked so much are gonna be secretly viscious.
A part of me wants to shock people. DO YOU SEE ME? Do you see that I’m different? Do you see that something is wrong?
Tremendous shame
Felt different



I had a dream that I was in a different place and I was looking for a bathroom. The bathroom was in a basement and was openair without any walls. A guy was there and he shut the curtains around the bathroom area, and turned on the showers. I was pissing and I got wet by the shower. As I walked out he came to me and said, “do you wanna suck my dick”. I said, maybe, if there are no security cameras around. Then he told me that he is a friend of yours. I asked where do you know PERSON023 from. He said he’s from W********. And I said, oh yeah, PERSON023 told me that his best friend is in this city and told me that maybe I’ll suck his dick. And then suddenly chinese police came, and I was handcuffed or something. They pointed guns at us. An attorney told us that we have to prove that we are in love in order to not be arrested. So I became more intimate with this guy, and they seemed to believe that we are in love.


First dream: I was going to sleep with PERSON039. He turned out to be a trans man, I saw his pussy.
Second dream: my dad raping me.
Third dream: in a canteen with a lot of food.


I had a dream where someone threw coke powder on my face continuously and i got super high and it was a really scary experience
In my dream I also got a brow piercing

Nap dream:

I had a weird dream in which I was at PERSON023’s house and he was like 3 times fatter and his dad is a hot blonde
I also was skiing later on
And after I finished skiing I went into this sex club thing and took off all my clothes and I was sitting on a guys face and I thought I could cum
But I woke up


我梦见了我在一个大礼堂一样的地方,上哲学课,然后我们在EA游戏里,一个任务是找人生孩子,要找满4个还是12个男人生孩子。然后我就出去问,would you like to have a baby with me. 然后有一个长得比较小的男的,他有一个飞来飞去的圆形刀(像切pizza的那种),我很怕,他用刀威胁我。然后我说,好的好的,我和你生孩子。你把那个刀扔出去的时候它还会跟随你飞。后来我看到了日落/日出,还有两个月亮。很好看。我的奶奶在搭一个梯子。搭好了之后我上去了,上到梯子上头之后梯子翻了。我叔叔嘲笑我说我不会平衡。我堂弟跟我讲苏州话:我问这个冬酿酒是谁的,他说是我的。


Damn I had a weird dream in which people were filming PERSON031 putting rice and slices of oranges into my pussy.

Also there was also a bdsm set up. I also was going to clean a man’s butthole but his shit flew onto my arms and clothes.


Had a dream that I returned to UWC and saw PERSON008 standing there. He gave me a small sticker to put onto my finger. It reads: “(DoDo:) Ack and Chang will be in the environment waiting for you.” And then he told me that PERSON004 died yesterday, in a marathon. I felt a rush of emotions, and just wanted to cry. I felt so much love for them.

Also I was back in my middle school and PERSON038 berated me. I was to take an easy final exam, but I felt dizzy and psychotic and I was dreaming (within this dream).


Self-absorbent ass of a man!

In the morning grandma had leftovers and I said I’ll finish them but I’ll buy fried chicken fillet from downstairs to eat with them. On my way out, someone was smoking and the smell was unbearable. The smoking man saw me and threw the cigarette in the bushes, and it started a mini fire, and he tried hard to put it off. I also saw my dad on my way out, just for a second, he was walking back home.

As I went to the fried chicken place, there was a stupid white robot following me asking me if I want something. I’m like, no!

As I went to the fried chicken place, I saw many girls and somehow I got the inspiration that y’all are gay, and I saw one table of girls and one table of guys. And I said, “yo this place is becoming our new gay bar!” And I saw a girl with rainbow earrings.

As I waited in the line my dad appeared, and he said something like you have to find a boyfriend, you have to appear feminine, etc. And I told him, I’m more attracted to girls recently. And he said, you are a girl and you should be attracted to men. And I’m like, hey, you’re a man and you’re attracted to women, so how is it wrong that I like women too? Gender identity and orientation are different things. And then he cut into my line by standing behind me and putting his hands on my shoulders, and said to the street food vendor something like, I’m gonna pay for my daughter’s order.

The street food vendor said okay, and then gave him a lot of fried chicken fillet and I got nothing. I was so angry. Then they gave me like a spoon of corn with cream. And people told me, it’s okay, you can eat our fried chicken fillet. I’m like, no!!!! I wanna pay for my own food!!!


I had a dream last night that PERSON037 had a baby named Aubron or artborn and she was eating off the floor and she could crawl very well at a very young age. Also she has a super big head and a super long nose lol


a post of my dream on facebook


Note: Sorry, this dreamed is censored for now. Please contact me for reading / hearing it.


Minyuan Lu

- I was doing a theater performance or something.

Sana (tall brown girl), and the hot white guy, and the shorter brown girl
- I was on a slant edge high up, and I told the hot and young white guy that I’m interested in having sex with him, while I was on top of him. It was really hot.
- The tall white guy had a long name. (I don’t remember, but definitely four or three syllables)
- People were trying to catch me. I went into a toilet to try to do makeup so that people don’t recognize me.
- When I went into the toilet 隔间 I saw a small girl / woman already inside. I was like, never mind, I’ve gotta hide somewhere and do my makeup.
- And then someone else went into my separate toilet room and recognized me. I earthbended shit on her face.
- The shorter brown girl 。 我跳到她身上,她像抱小熊一样抱我。我的腿盘在她腰间。As I did this, I saw Sana coming by. And I told her, hey! I’m dating this girl now!
- Then I realized that I meant that I’m dating that white guy. I confused the white guy with the brown girl.
- Sana asked me why I never told her I love her. (We were in a relationship). I said, of course I love her.

Marching on the Road and Me being She-Ra / Avatar
- All of us people went marching on the road.
- I kept my attention on the people and was trying to see the hot guy. But then the hot guys kinda looked like PERSON034. :/
- Sana was there too.
- PERSON035 intentionally pushed away a woman with a child to a homeless black man named Sleti who is on the side of the road.
- I was supposed to save then because I was she-ra / avatar.
- I’m not good at any sort of bending though. There was someone chasing after me but I tried to hide. Luckily there were other air bending / water bending / fire bending people.
- The benders expressed disappointment in me. And I said, sorry, I’m avatar in training. (I was the avatar after Korra)

- We went to school I think. Middle School classes,

Smart Phone (Time travel)
- A 语文老师 wrote a good thing on my piece of paper.
- We sat down at a big long table.
- Another student copied it or scanned it to take it home.
- PERSON036 (on my right at the end of the table) was trying to copy it but her phone (looks like a phone in 2005) is out of storage space. So she asked me if I can copy it and she would take the original copy home.
- I took out my smart phone (iPhone 7) and said, “Hey! I’m from the future! I’m time traveling!” And I could take high resolution pictures of the writing.
- More and more people took out their smart phone. But PERSON036 didn’t have a smart phone.
- Suddenly the sky turned dark. Everything was dark. Has to have something to do with the usage of phones. I asked people if they could try hard and see stars.

Time change
- We are time traveling together.

A Greek God says Pakni + Agni + Ack and Gave Us Compote
- A tall Greek God appeared. He was wearing white robes (that were kinda blue/greyish in the dark. He was 2-3 times taller than the average people. He gave us compote. It tasted sweet.
- I passed it on to people behind me and in front of me.
- The Greek God said, in the past fire was called Pakni, then it was called Agni, and then in your current language it’s called “Ack”.

Human Invention (getting rid of stuff in your hand)
- My wires / strings were 乱成一团
- Each string (bracelet) can be expanded and it would show you the invention.
- I had consumer products, human language (in the form of transparent plastic / rubber letters), technology, and something else important that I don’t remember. Might be computer?
- The girl on my right. I accidentally took her bracelet and she 用绳子套住我.
- We were told to let go of one of our things. So I let go consumer products.
- Then we were told to let go of another thing. I had to decide whether I should let of technology (such as sunglasses) or language (it was just soft plastic transparent English letters and numerals) so I let go of language, because since we are in the ancient times, English letters don’t help that much. I was thinking of Mesopotamian civilizations and stuff.
- I heard people behind me say that if you were born in Jamaica, you begin with 138 points. But if you were born in China, you begin with 0 points.

Edo One Edo Two & Green Lipgloss
- Anyway, I made it to the front, as the front people were being processed.
- There were two or three people standing in the front left, and on the front right was a Jamaican lady who asked if you’re willing to go to Jamaica. And she has buckets of lip gloss. And I told her yes, and told her that I would like to have green lip gloss on.
- I also had the achievements of Edo one and Edo Two.

To be oedipus
- When in the auditorium they announced that there’s gonna be a person to be oedipus, I see hot guys 跃跃欲试.
- When I said I wanna try too, I heard a voice saying, “but you’re girl.”
- I followed the people and walked to an entrance like an airport security check. I think they checked whether you have food or not.
- Finally there was a teacher (female, race unknown but light skin) leading us.

Me Following the Teacher (Stairs, etc)
- We people in the front have a yellow sticker on our head that signifies the achievement of Edo Two.
- We were on the road and we did a right turn and went to a university in Egypt, with Chinese characters written on the entrance thingy. I think it’s 开罗第一(对话?)大学 or something.
- The academic buildings were made out of a lot of glass windows, with blue and red linings.
- The buildings were full of stairs, and nothing else.
- So I followed the teacher onto the stairs and the stairs were white/beige like 陶瓷地板砖.
- She was walking very fast. Soon I became the first in the line, since I’m in a dream and don’t have to spend any physical effort.
- She had really specific walking patterns that students must follow.
- We turned and turned because the stairs were everything. There was one situation where it was like this: we walked up stairs and then came to this place and I thought we were gonna walk in the middle (如虚线所指)but instead the teacher walked to the left and dropped down and kept walking up.
- I told the teacher that in my novel I had a character named Ek and another character named Do.

Male stealing my effort
- Finally we arrived at the destination in the building. I was the first.
- But there were rogues there — a few fraternity boys. They look like jocks. They say I can’t be oedipus because it’s better for a guy to be Oedipus than a woman to be Oedipus. So they upped a strong-built guy from the back of the row, who didn’t have the Edo Two sticker on his forehead.
- He came with a knife and was going to stab the teacher, who was wearing a dark blue / purple top.
- The teacher was stabbed on the arm.
- I was like, yeah, you can be oedipus. I’m not gonna usurp. I just wanna be safe.
- His knife turned into a huge machine gun, and he was shooting.
- Finally he was convinced that he is doing a bad thing and he’s gonna return the chance to be Oedipus to me.
- He tries to shoot himself in the head (on the right side), but his machine gun won’t fire. When he pulls the trigger it just sounds like wind is blowing out.
- I said, it’s okay, I’d forgiven you.

Girls following my lead
- Then we were dismissed in the building, and there were a few girls who followed me, and told me that they would love to be on whatever path I’m on.


i had a dream where i had to create a dog/wolf language for another person's project, and i listed out the features of the language, like tones, and the deep chest sound that big dogs make at the start of a bark, and retroflex. i was trying to find some minimal pairs, and somehow that made sense in my dream.

btw it was a torture scene with many people lined up. that poor guy in the back right corner of the room i was supposed to help was faced with a big knife. and i had thick needles pricked through my arms and legs. i promised him that i would come up with a language before the end of this month, and then on the 30th i realized that it was the day that he had to do his presentation



First part:
I was at a friend’s uni and I can’t get back to UMass. ...

Different dream (second part):

I was waiting for subway/train in Germany to go to work. (I have a job in Germany.) I’m going south. I thought I saw PERSON025, so I tapped on his shoulder and he turned around and it wasn’t PERSON025. I said, sorry, I thought you were my ex boyfriend.

We went on the train. There were this guy from my elementary school (PERSON033)as well as some other people I know. He later touched my boob and I was like, hell no,-‘d then I licked his hand. We, a group of Chinese people, on this German subway. There was some blonde lady speaking German somewhere.

The train moved fast, and due to inertia, we were flying out of our seats. I saw the Germans were holding unto the handles above tightly with both hands holding two different handles. So I tried to do that.

I didn’t know if I was on the right train. Then I searched on my phone — yes, I’m going south, my internship is in the south at a building named sasha something.

I was sitting backwards and there was this girl in front of me, who seems white / south Asian / Arab. Yeah on hindsight she seemed Arab I guess? But I thought she was Indian during the dream. I was talking to her and then some more people got on the subway, and she said, omg these women are so hot! And she kept staring at them. These women were behind me. I didn’t think it was polite to look back at them so I looked at their reflection in the glass (the glass was in my left). And there were three okay-looking slightly fat (or big?) black women. Then I heard Russian spoken and i looked back and saw a hot russian lesbian couple. I told the Indian/Arab girl that I speak Russian and asked her whether I should say hi to them or if it would be rude. She suggested me to say hi to them. So I said, здравствуй, and they were like, omg, where does this voice come from, who’s speaking Russian? And then I said, it’s me! And then they looked at me and asked me in russian, where are you from? And I answered in russian, I’m from China.

After these people left I realized that I had hung my pantie with a pantie liner on the handle above where the Russian couple stood; I also hung my orange bag (that I got from Harvard bookstore in 2014).

I went to a seat in the front. I was in the left seat; there was a girl sitting on my right. Them this guy came in and sat between us. I was like, dude, can you sit somewhere else, there is an empty seat just in the row behind us, why do you wanna squeeze with us. It’s three people on two seats. Somehow later I was like, fine, it’s okay.

Then he put his hand down near his butt. And I realized he was touching my butt. I immediately stood up and shouted, “guys, this man is sexually assaulting me. He’s touching my butt.” I think he’s doing the same thing to the other girl too but she didn’t say a word.

Then I realized that the man had a square knife. He started hurting me and the other girl with the knife, on my chest, and on my arm. I begged him to not hurt me and said I’d do anything for him. He kept hurting me, and seemed to despise my attitude. Finally I was like, I’m done with this. I’m getting out of the seat. But he was very strong and I couldn’t get out. Then he sorta disappeared and the other girl was above me in the air and she was sawing my arm with the knife. I asked her when she could stop. She said, when your arm is off your body.

Somehow I was at a place eating Chinese food? There was a voice saying that, as a chinese, you won’t get hurt merely by eating Chinese food, and simultaneously I was flying above a bowl of red braised pork.

I realized that I have the square knife in my hand and it keeps hurting my head. It’s like a magnet that’s determined to be attracted to my body. I was flying (or rather, floating in the air). It was either hurting my head or my legs. Then I tried to hold it with both hands and it’s very heavy in the sense that it is attracted to my head. On the knife I see a patch of my skin, scrapped off my head. I realized that I had to want to drop the knife in order to drops the knife.

I flew to the jannah, which was a square shaped area on the ground, separated from the outside world with fences. As i entered the jannah I was able to drop my knife at the border. The buildings were beige (maybe made of sand) and there were some tropical trees. I tried to fool the people chasing me that I belong here.

They recognized that I did not belong here, because I sat down at a chair where only unfamiliar guests would sit down. So they kept chasing me. And I realized that because I dropped the knife, they now have the knife to kill me. So I guess I should’ve kept the knife, but alas, it was a burden either way.

I was at a supermarket and in a row waiting for checkout. The police were there, saying that there is a man who has the square knife and would kill the person behind him. I realized that I was behind that guy. But that guy was innocent: it was a young boy who had the knife hidden in his shopping cart. Again, I was flying above them. But I was scared for my life all the same. As the boy gets closer to the register, there was a young Russian girl dressed up in a shiny teal dress like a fairy. She was helping the supermarket to check out customers.

The boy (white, brown hair, like the default) threw the knife at the russian girl’s heart and she immediately died. (He was slightly smaller than the Russian girl.) Then there was also another girl in orange dress. I thought her body was deformed. Then I realized that the boy was in side he dress: he was aiming to destroy her reproductive organs.

As I tried to get out I realized that I couldn’t: the space is locked and outside space is deleted. So in despair I woke up.

[09/15/2020] Dreams

Japanese dinner with PERSON028
Teeth falling out, growing new teeth

The wife of Morpheus: Orphy


In my room (in China) I found a yellow / orange cat, who is standing up against my window. It seems like I have to do certain things to activate her actions. I said hi. She then pressed the center of a transparent circle on my window, and came down from the window.

She went into a living room (not in my apartment in China, but looking different), and told me she was the wife of Morpheus. And somehow I called her Orphy. (And I told PERSON031, hey, she is real!) Apparently other people can see Orphy too. She was aggressive at first. I tried to pet her, and later learned that she doesn’t want to be pet by people who she does not trust yet. PERSON031 was holding Orphy the cat and Orphy had sharp claws. I sat down on the floor like a submissive cat and looked up at Orphy in PERSON031's arms. Orphy bit off the head of a rabbit/cat. There was also a half-tunnel looking like walls on highways to block the noise from neighborhoods, but smaller. She said she was going to do something that would impress you and you would memorize for life. She then shot a fireball, or there was a moving head of cat that was on fire. I almost got hit. It was kinda traumatic.

She put one palm on the middle of my forehead, and another palm on my leg, my back, or other parts of my body. I thought she was going to take my memories away, so I probably begged her not to. Then I realized she was just reading my mind. She wanted to read what was associated in my brain with the idea of “cat”, as well as other stuff. After reading my mind and discovering that I’m friendly to cats, she became more friendly with me. She joked with me, sometimes acting like a “cute and dumb cat” stereotype. And she allowed me to pet her.

Other people saw her too. They wanted to make a big fuzz out of it. My grandma, for example, took a photo of me and Orphy the cat, and posted it online. I told her that she can’t do that, because it involved the secret of the universe (of what happens after death), and by posting it people who are in the surface world would know, and it would bring unbalance.

At some point I asked Orphy how long she has been serving, and she said, since she died. I asked, so like more than 2000 years ago? She said, yes, she took over the job of the previous person/god.

So I was on a private bus with people in my class (generically, not my class in any certain time), and in the back seats in the left sat a girl/woman who was PERSON029+PERSON030 (both French in real life). I said to PERSON029PERSON030, “I find you really cute. Yes, I am hitting on you.”(hinting that I would like her to be my girlfriend) She then blushed. I held her hand and looked at her. The guy sitting in her back left seat (could be PERSON032, my crush in elementary school) said, “um, don’t you know that PERSON029PERSON030 and I are together? We’ve actually been together for a few years. I was kinda embarrassed, and said, “okay, okay. Don’t worry about me. I have other partners.” Then I went back to the front right of the bus, and I was sitting in the row in front of the row of PERSON031. I asked PERSON031 to sit with me in my row, or I can sit with her in her row, but she refused.

So PERSON029PERSON030 was married to PERON032 or some equivalent guy. I wanted to meet her in private. I went to her apartment building after working hours before sundown, and saw her husband (the guy who she’s been with for the past few years) and asked him if I could see her. He said, “no way. Plus she’s usually not at home. Probably at her office.” So I went to her office to find her. (She was more PERSON029 than PERSON030 at that time, so from now on I’ll just call her PERSON029.) PERSON029 was in her office and I knew that she was romantically involved with another man. This office is connected to the living room I said before. Back to Orphy the yellow cat, she was like avatar, fighting off injustice and bringing balance to the world. The man PERSON029 was involved with was disliked by Orphy. She made angry noises towards him. Then she forced him out of a door. I thought she was going to kill him. Meanwhile, PERSON029 uses a square blade/comb, like the one people cut dough with, to attack me. I tried to hide, but she still got to me. She was placing the blade on my neck (left side). I forgot how I got out of that; I wish Orphy was there to help me, but she couldn’t because she was dealing with the man. Later I saw the man coming out of the door happy, so I thought, oh, Orphy was being benevolent; but the man was also being a bit delirious and stupid, saying silly words. I tried to escape through the window (ideally I would fly after that), but the window was made of glass and couldn’t be opened. I found a staircase as well as an elevator. There was one person who came up here by the elevator but didn’t get to get out of the elevator, then the elevator dropped and I think she died. PERSON029 pressed the elevator button, while the man ran down the stairs. As I made my way down the stairs, I tried to avoid them both, but I couldn’t.

The First Dream: Japanese Dinner & Teeth

This dream happened before the Orphy dream, probably before I woke up in the middle of the night at 3:35.

I was having dinner with PERSON028, and we brought pork belly on our own, as well as ribs. We still ordered more stuff, like Sushi and Sashimi. We waited and waited and finally stuff arrived, but we were ready to go. I saw the sushi a la carte wrapped in plastic.

In another time and space I was in a restroom. I tried to find a stall that I could pee or poo in. But the ground was so slippery and the poo holes or toilet were set up too badly, so I had to hold my scheisslust.

In another time and space I had my current teeth falling out, and two new teeth growing in an undesirable place and in an undesirable manner.


Note: Sorry, this dreamed is censored for now. Please contact me for reading / hearing it.


In my dream my mom put a knife around my neck and a knife on my belly , trying to cut me, and kept telling me that’s it’s just a drill, you’ve gotta practice. I refused then she cut me.


PERSON025 sleeping next to me; parrots; cult of DM/TX & PERSON027; horses


I dreamed that PERSON025 teleported a tangerine to me while I was with my mom. In my room I was not asleep and the floor was stained with tangerine juice. Also later I went to PERSON025's mom’s grocery store, and she was wondering why her son would eat 15 tangerines a day. I was going to tell her that PERSON025 send 5 to me every day. I was going to write down in my laptop (still in my dream), “she was a truck driver. As for him, you’d know he loves her when he teleports tangerines to her when he was about to die.”

Also I was in a play. But that part was too complicated so I decided to not write about it. Some things to remind me of this part of the dream: 刘姥姥、家长保护孩子不让我(老鹰)碰到她、PERSON026、四个人快死了最后决定放弃活三死一的抽签、话剧里我被吸奶、高楼里语言学系在6-7楼

———— In reality, PERSON025 said: “And I love you even when dying to lack of tangerines :)”

1/22 I dreamed that I told my mom about PERSON025. And she said, “don’t you regret it only after you did it (sex)”. In reality, PERSON025 says, “I definitely want you :)”


I was in the house of an uncle (my parents' friend), and PERSON021 (a converted muslim girl) was also there. She didn't like the questions I asked her, thinking that they are offensive. She said she doesn't have sex, and doesn't lick pussies. I was carrying heavy stuff out of the uncle's house. Things were so heavy that I had to carry them a few rounds.

We saw the sun, and the sun was bigger than ever. My mom took pictures of the sun. We were in a vehicle driving downhill. Suddenly the sun was smaller. I wished the sun was bigger again. When the sun shone through the air, I feel my legs get burned. The sun was in a strange color I can’t describe.

We (me and my team) were in a world like the world in minecraft. We were trying to reach the destination without getting too close to the sun. (We were 200-300 miles away from the sun.) When we reached the sea, there were a few buildings nearby. They were fishermen. My team consisted of a few people in greenish-brown uniforms, and a few black and green ducks. We rowed two boats further into the water, and checked how far we were from our destination. We failed and returned. A little girl (who looked little, could be 16 or 17) was trying to bargain with the master in the shop that he should give her money. He said, "but you didn't bring anything back from the trip." She said, "you should give me money first so I could do exchange with the creatures in the ocean." So he gave her money. But I feared that it could be a trap. Maybe she would not find anythinng and will be in huge dept.

Everyone was to do a presentation — a film they made. PERSON022 showed a film where he was naked and pissed out of his erect normal-sized penis. (There was another man naked.) Then the baby in the film (also naked) pissed out of his penis (big for his size) and the piss shot right on to PERSON022’s urethra. That was his film. I showed my film, and it was done in a hurry so it was not good. We were in an auditorium. When it was time for PERSON023 to show his film, he said, “I feel the same way about my film as you feel about yours.” Then he started showing the film (a music video). (It was in Chinese, and I also talked to PERSON023 in Chinese.) There were four guys and one girl doing sexual stuff with PERSON023. They were kissing and touching each other in a bathtub. It was very hot. All of the five people are really good looking. The background music was a Chinese song that [is kind of like Liang Jingru’s “Nuan Nuan” 17623 1235231 1763232123 17623 1235231 1763232121]. I told PERSON023 how good he kissed. Some times later the girls were playing naked on a beach. They all have really nice bodies. At a different time there was also a girl doing pull ups, and I told PERSON023 about how he could edit the video better, making it more concise and music-video-like. I was also bantering with people sitting near me. I told one person that I have fucked more people than PERSON023 did. I also told them that I have 380 tinder matches. I felt good socializing with these Chinese people. I thought I should join some Chinese circles. // The judge (a woman) was impressed by PERSON023’s work. She asked whether one of the actresses was the actress of Jia Zhen (a character in The Dream of the Red Chambers). The audience said yes. She was more surprised. I asked PERSON023 how did he get such good resources. He said he just searched online. Later, in front of a whole auditorium of people (the auditorium was tilted like a broadway theatre, and full of people) he lifted me up like how a prince lifts up a princess (but doing so in a really awkward position) and said in Chinese, “Hi everyone, I have something to announce. This is my girlfriend Minyuan. I love her very much.” And the crowd bursted loudly (rejoiced). And I woke up.

-[my mom took pictures of the sun] My mom always takes pictures while traveling.

-[The sun] reminds me of the sun in “The Stranger”, which caused (?) Mersault to kill a man. Also, yesterday afternoon, PERSON024 was taking photos of the sunset for his astronomy homework. The sun also reminds me of an apocalyptic picture I've seen on Facebook.

-[When the sun shines through the air I get burned] Last night I was at PERSON024’s place and he had a candle. I put my hand above the candle and felt the heat.

-[we failed and returned] I was reading a story about the Chinese scientist Peng Jiamu, who went missing while doing research in Lop Nor, a place in Xinjiang that was once a lake but now a part of the Gobi desert. Peng insisted to look for water, while everyone else in the research team wanted to return, because of lack of water and supplies.

-[sex scenes] I've been horny and looking at porn recently. I like lesbian porn and threesomes.

-[jia zhen] Jia Zhen is a male character in the Dream of the Red Chambers. However, in my dream, that is a female character.


I had this dream. Can't remember where it started. It was in a world like Minecraft, but it also kinda functions like Spore. I was at a party in a well-designed mansion. There were a lot of hallways, as well as a central yard with a lot of pebbles about 8 foot tall (or taller) standing there. The male host (the villain) was practicing throwing knives at me. I didn't have much strength in my arm. Every time I tried to throw a knife at him I failed. There came a woman with long hair, who was whispering to the villain about how she did "transmasculine" and started acting in a male way (fucking a lot of women, being condescending, etc.), which made people respect her. I asked her whether people who are weak deserve to die. She implied yes. I, through God's eye's view, saw that the pebbles turned patched, like toxic mushrooms. The villain was trying to kill me. The woman and me went to the dining hall. I was a bird. She said to me something like, "It's unfortunate that we are going to the same dining hall." So she went into the dining hall with knives in her hand. I was a bird flying and holding a big rectangular knife in my claws. Instead of going to the dining hall, I went to the trees. But none of the trees seemed thick enough to hide the knife. So I went further on. I saw a restaurant (or a retail store) and I thought maybe I could ask food from them. But then I remembered that I was a bird, and I don't share a language with humans. This would be against the rules of the dream. If later the woman comes here she would ask the shopkeepers whether they have seen a bird, and they will surely point to her where I went. So I flew further over the roof, and saw that I was at the ocean with floating ice on it. (Ocean is at the end of the world in Terraria, another sandbox game that I played in 2017.) I saw an elephant and a deer (?). (they were relatively the same size, with the elephant being slightly fatter). I thought, elephant, maybe you would want to go back to your natural habitat too, instead of being at this cold place. They were both females and they looked super nice. They agreed to help me. So I, now an insect or a basic form of life similar to one at the second stage at Spore, am hiding in the elephant's nose.

Soon I was at an office. The elephant and the deer were workers of the office, whose boss is the villain. They were trying to find me, and they seemed to have felt something in the elephant's nose. They stuck a knife into her nose, which landed on the right of my neck and the left of my neck. (It was actually inside my neck, I could feel the pain). But it didn't harm me or the elephant much. I was so worried that my elephant friend would sneeze. So the elephant, being a spy, went out of the office (since it was a weekend or a three day long holiday) heading home. But soon, the man, the villain, found that I was inside. I flew out of the nose, hiding on the eave and behind the closing gate, and saw my elephant friend fall down. She was shot by the man. He had a big gun. I flew and flew onto a big tree, now with the rectangular knife in my hands. I may have gone through a rebirth on that tree. I saw the new elephant and the new deer as humans (or monkeys, anyway beings that could climb trees) on my tree, keeping the man tied up as a refugee. The man was trying to untie himself. I threw the knife onto his head. But he was trying to catch me. Somehow later he was on the ground and everyone was against him. (Maybe he had been an oppressive boss.) And I broke open his skull with my knife. Blood was bursting out of him. I finally revenged!

1. [knives] As I was typing this dream, I always spelled "knife" as "knive". I'm at an AirBnb with PERSON016, my high school classmate from Suzhou High School, Last night we bought a Chinese grapefruit. But when we came back I didn't find any knife to cut it. Later PERSON016 found a knife in the drawer.
2. [strength in my arm] When I was practicing arm muscles the day before yesterday, I couldn't do the anti-fly (exercise) perfectly with my dumbbells. My muscles weren't strong enough.
3. [bird] I read a funny comment on Zhihu (which was probably true) that in the Dream of the Red Chambers, whichever maid goes to Daiyu would be named after a bird. (So many maids in Jia's family are named after birds.)
4. [transmasculine] I've been matching with a few trans people on Tinder. Someone I added on Facebook just came out as transmasculine. My friend PERSON017 is also transmasculine.
5. [people who are weak deserve to die] An idea of Nietzsche. The night before yesterday I hung out with PERSON018, and told him one of the few sentences I still remember in German: "Das Welt ist bedeutunglos, weil Got tott ist." (The world is meaningless, because God is dead.) It reminds me of Nietzsche.
6. [mushrooms] Recently I thought about shrooms. I also saw a lot of mushrooms at the H Mart yesterday.
7. [dining hall] It was more like a dining hall in my middle school. Anyway, yesterday I talked with PERSON016 about how good the UMass dining halls are, and she told me how bad hers are.
8. [ocean with the floating ice] yesterday we asked PERSON019 (a classmate who studies at Boston College) about going near the ocean. He replied, "this is winter."
9. [big rectangular knife] In China we almost exclusively use this knife. It's called Caidao (veggie knife) and there were a lot of stories of crazy people going out killing people with it. I also threatened to kill my parents with this knife when I was a kid.
10. [the elephant] I feel naturally akin to her. She reminds me of a girl in UWC. PERSON020 from Kazakhstan.
11. [reincarnation] Definitely inspired by the movie Om Shanti Om.


我似乎在和Asano说话,我在上铺有人在下铺。Asano坐在我床边跟我讲述他最喜欢的音乐风格(duo)。似乎他的音乐风格是Björk加上很多String beans。但是我听上去和摇滚或者金属差不多。

我看到背后有大火,于是往前飞,看到地上的人群中PERSON011抬头看着我,我大喊i love you。我继续往前飞,障碍物出现了。有很多大的像木乃伊一样被缠绕着布的大棍子,上粗下细(有点像PERSON010的**)。这是一种hispanic的东西,和piñata类似。我穿过这些棍子,有人挡住我。











外面是圣诞节装饰,天空中挂了许多黄色及其他颜色的星星装饰。我们飞啊飞,采集星星,像超级马里奥那样。听说我们的钱币巧克力卖的很好,之前天上有掉钱币巧克力。我们看到一个随着我们移动的我们面前的屏幕上展现出一个我们团队的视频。我们大声欢呼:“we are rich!”然后像神庙逃亡一样我们不停的采集奖励。我采集到一张小邮票,背面写着3000元。有好几行字。是一个方琴通螺纹的钱币。我说:“PERSON010肯定喜欢这个!”




I was singing Russian songs to a middle school classmate to help her fall asleep. i had three roommates calling in to ask about my life, because they haven't seen me in a long time. I heard that two of my paternal grandpa's older sisters died recently. Somehow I was saw PERSON004 at a train / subway station. She was busy walking around. Somehow I couldn't reach her. She seemed to be dealing with my grandpa's sisters' death. I called PERSON004 and thought I could speak Suzhou dialect with her to ask about my grandpa's sisters. But then I realized that even if I speak Suzhou dialect, I will still be censored because so many people speak it. Somehow I knew the information that my grandpa's sisters died because they sat on a car with a license number including 2017. That's why they died this year. The person who sat on a car with a license number of 2007 got crippled in 2007. And I heard that "THEY" had all series of cars ranging from 2007 to 2018(?)

I tried to call PERSON008 since I failed to reach PERSON004 by WeChat. But what I got was a woman's voice, asking: "Are you PERSON008?" I said, "I'm looking for him." I thought, maybe she's with THEM. And then the phone call slipped into a song with PERSON008's voice and a guitar in the background.

Hi Minyuan,
Forget about me
Forget about love
You will find a teacher much better than me
Maybe you will die on a rock by the ocean

I felt happy when I heard the word "love". But I knew something was wrong.

I ran to the cafeteria. I saw PERSON003, who turned into the accusative case, ready to be hugged. I hugged him and kissed him on the lips. Then we both start crying. Then we went to the auditorium, and saw people commemorating PERSON008 and PERSON004 --- they've been "in" for a long time, and now we just heard that they died 106 days ago. It was grey.

I talked with a few friends. And I realized that I shouldn't talk too much. And I thought, oh, I should tell PERSON009 that "there's something I can't say. I will tell you in person when I reach America." My middle school English teacher looked happy and told me that the lyrics showed everything.

Somehow PERSON008 and PERSON004 were alive again and ready for death, and they turned into the parents of PERSON010 and I. They told PERSON010 and I that they will clean everything up and themselves be ready to die. PERSON010 felt very guilty for that, and said, "no, I'll clean up for you."

So they were about to die on the deathbed. It was in a small room on the stage of the auditorium. I felt afraid. THEY want them to die as soon as possible. A speaker in the front of the audience facing the audience asked the audience if it is okay for a person to hold their breath for a better life. The audience said yes. In fact, the speaker wanted PERSON004 & PERSON008 to hold their breath forever.

I went into the room again. I felt so bad that they are at the end of their life, and they can't have any freedom any more. The man (maybe he's PERSON008, maybe he's not) wanted me to be on top of him. So I did, and I saw that the woman (maybe she's PERSON004, maybe not) is dead. I was scared at once. So i ran away. And the man followed me out, running into the auditorium, wearing a pajama.


This dream is a response to my past crush on PERSON008, but it is interesting that I was scared upon seeing the woman's death, which means that the man now belongs to me.






我们围坐在白色塑料质感桌子前,我左边是PERSON005PERSON005左边是PERSON006PERSON005对面是另一个叫{PERSON005's name}的人。我叫PERSON006的时候PERSON005以为我在叫他。我很惊讶他们会出现在binghamton university的orientation,于是我问PERSON006他上什么大学,他说binghamton,我很惊喜。我问他不是去macalester吗,他说因为学费问题不去了。



[02/01/2018] a terrible nightmare and its freudian analysis

I just suffered from a terrible nightmare whose content may seem political incorrect.


Feeling: They forced me to turn into Islam, otherwise they would kill me.

"They" include the Osama bin Laden I created in my Sims game, and my dad, and some other people with the bin Laden hairstyle and beard style. I was in a concentration camp, along with many others. It was a big space, like a mega parking lot with many floors. They asked us to each do a self-destined task. I seemed to have chosen to write song lyrics. I knew they were going to test if we are being Halal or not.

There was an Indian girl beside me. She finished her work first. It was a double sided paper with closely written math problems. A person started correcting her work. They ticked a lot on the first page, as well as the second page. The Indian girl was smiling. But then that person turned her paper back to the first page and drew a cross. The Indian girl turned nervous. They asked me whether I have completed my work. I felt a little bit relieved to have done it slowly, but still I know that they were going to find reasons to kill me. Much more to my relief, they said: "Let's get some lunch first, and then we will proceed with y'all." So I tried to run away by flying.

There were the bin Laden looking men with guns and rifles. I was always flying though buildings of the convoluted parking lot design.

My runaway also had something to do with food. But the only thing I remembered awake was my aunt giving me a bowl of ricecake-looking starch with meat. I asked what meat it was. She answered, "pork."

I was flying from India to its neighboring country, Switzerland. The terrorists followed me, and tried to attack me from everywhere. We went through a hall with many famous living scientists. But I had no time to greet them. Then I flew to Germany. They were still following me. I felt very tired from flying. Seemed like my dad wanted to kill me.

Finally I flew away from the building. I was very high in the sky. There was my primary school below. It was flying away from my home in China.

High above in the sky, I unblocked my mom's phone number and started calling her, planning to tell her that my dad is a terrorist.

I woke up, feeling uncomfortable, because of (1)wearing a downcoat, thus sweating, (2) thirst, (3) bladder, (4) sleeping in an uncomfortable position.

Here I am going to analyze it in a Freudian style. Dream is the accomplishment of a wish. and "For Sigmund Freud, dreams expressed repressed or unconscious wishes. He claimed that anxiety dreams are dreams in which painful feelings are experienced as a result of a repressed wish being expressed."


This dream is an anxiety dream about Islamophobia. Sources that increased my islamophobia in the past two days are: (1) I was reading a lot on an islamophobic forum (2) I had a new online friend that I speak Russian with who is Muslim. (3) There were two young muslim girls at the Boston South Station. They had the same hijab style, accent (british), and look (pale) as an ISIS female I saw in a BBC discovery video. I sat beside them on a bench while waiting. I couldn't hear them clearly, but I did hear something like "sister, what are we gonna do?" which sounded as weak and nervous as that ISIS female in in video. I was so afraid.


1. [parking lot] My most recent experience with that multi-floored parking lot was the night before I leave Suzhou, when I went to Auchan with my aunt (the same aunt that appeared in my dream). I had a good time with her. Had dinner and bought stuff. Then the parking lot was full of cars, so my aunt had to move up and up to find a floor with an empty spot.

2. [song lyrics] I think all music except for Qur'an recitation are banned in Islam. & Last night I was thinking about how to earn a lot of money in a short time. I thought about uploading original songs to a Chinese music app, which one of my previous classmates did.

3. [Indian girl] There was a young Indian couple (heterosexual) on the same flight as me from Shanghai to San Fran. I thought the girl pretty.

4. [ticks and crosses] On my entry, there was a form to give to the border official. On the plane I thought about whether to tick the boxes or to cross them. I think the Chinese way is to tick them, while the american way is to cross them. I chose to tick them, as per my habit.

5. [someone correcting a paper] At the border, I almost thought I was going to be sent back. The first official sent to to a room with more officials. Both the officials wrote extra things on my documents.

6. [gun] The second official I met was a middle-aged man with a gun in his waist.

7. [rifle] When PERSON002 and PERSON003 came to visit me in Suzhou two days before I left Suzhou, they played with a baguette that PERSON003 bought, by pretending that it was a rifle. & In the airport there were policemen hanging around with rifles.

8. [Let's get some lunch first] I was too tired last night that I fell asleep without having dinner, though dinner was ready. & Yesterday while waiting or the bus, I read the history of my text messages with PERSON004. A month ago I told her that I will feel ashamed by visiting them twice. She said it's okay, and "maybe we can grab lunch together."

9. [Pork from my aunt] My aunt was the only blood relative that I can consider as a friend. Pork is obvious not Halal, and in that context, I think she meant to show her support for me to get out of this persecution.

10. [Countries] I don't know why in my dream Switzerland is neighboring India. I know two things that made me think of Switzerland in the past two days. One is the Swatch sales counter in the airport; its logo seemed to be the Swiss national flag. Another is a comment I read on the forum: "Some right wing Swiss said that he dislikes his country but sadly loves its nature." I guess I thought of Europe because they took a lot of refugees, and the number of Muslims there are increasing very fast.

11. [hall] The hall looked like a hall I visited before. Could be a hall in Princeton, U Chicago or Stanford. It had a lot of glass with blue reflection light.

12. [flying away from home] My family was living on a tall apartment building since 2007. My primary school was right in from of the building. We were living higher than the 20th floor.

13. [confronting my mom] I was surprised by my action back in dream.


I miss my mom & I want reunion with her. But only under this circumstance, aka my dad turning into a terrorist, could I forgive her and be able to ask for her help.


What can I do with this repressed wish? Consciously I don't want to talk with my mom at all.


So last night after playing hours of the Sims until almost 5am, I felt asleep for 12 hours. In my dream "they" forced a little girl (11 or 13 years old) to have sexual intercourse with a monkey, and she gave birth to a half-monkey-half-human being. I felt outrageous and stood up against this. I called the police. But the police didn't came in a police car ---- they came with a dark colored bus (shaped like peterpan bus). The first half of the bus were filled with "them". People wore dark blue and black clothes; nothing was in bright color. The police came down and arrested me (metaphorically, because since then I was being chased after and feeling suffocated). So I knew that the police was on "their" side.

It was in the States; I ran north into Canada. A short road midst the trees led directly to Canada. On the border, there was a gate and a pavilion with a person (border official) inside.

Canada was the safe haven for me, but somehow I was back in danger. I was in a Chinese retailer store abroad. I was hanging around there for a long time, looking into notepads, to-do lists, and notebooks. Notebooks were piled up together, and I found a familiar notebook under a stack of 5 or 6 notebooks. Its interior was exactly the same as the one 3 ex-diaries away. It was barely okay for my next diary due to its small size (slightly thicker than the "Are You My Mother" book and more slightly shorter than it) and its unscrupulous manner (not tidy and new enough).

So I found a special file to the right of lined notebooks. In the transparent file packet were a few A4 papers and two small letter beneath. The two letters aligned make about the area of my 3 fingers together. The letters are for me, from PERSON001 (only an admissions officer (?) at Minerva College, but in my dream I immediately recognized him at the boss of "them"). "They" forbade my to open the letters. I hid them in my sleeves, and told them that the letters are somewhere in the stack of things in that shop.

I was chased after because actually I had the letters, but at that time there wasn't enough time to open it. I ran into UWC (or the representation of it in my dream, anyway, a school.) Over buildings and buildings (which isn't the architectural structure of UWC at all) I tried to get rid of the people chasing me. Someone asked me, "aren't they all undergrads? Master degree candidates don't study here." It was all grey, and deep, as if in a 20th century factory. I ran upstairs, trying to hide and read the letters. But as I ran to the second floor (it felt like the second "floor" of a Chinese train, in which a room has six beds: up, middle, below, on left and right respectively) I found my mom below at the door. It felt like a in-dream deja vu. So I ran and ran and ran into Canada again.

Beyond the US-Canadian border, forest was endless. I passed the first tree on its left side (left of me there was clear-cut nothing, it felt like the border of a world in Terraria. So "Canada" was small, having the width of about 30 people). I actually squeezed myself through the left side of the tree. There were people like monkey jumping down the tree on my right. I hung myself on a short but strong branch (the color of the woods were a mix of brown, grey and dark green. The branch was the size of an elephant's nose) The guide (who somehow suddenly was there) said that in the beginning everyone in Canada was like that (the monkeymen, or savages).

Under that tree I opened PERSON001's letters. One of it said, "I support you. I wish you can write a songs about this!" Another of it said, "Oh you already wrote a wonderful song. I like it." Something like this sort. I looked at the respective dates of the letters, and thought about the past situation. I thought, "you will lose your supporters if you show your support for me, that's why."

Then something happened, but I can't write about it in reality, because when I write about dreams, they are already restructured. The time and space and logic in dreams, are vastly different than in reality.